Hmmm, this prompt is a surprisingly difficult one for me to write about. Perhaps an indicator that I need to work on the work/life balance is the fact I haven't entered a career development blog in a few weeks (oops!). My negligence of this dear little blog I feel like is related to my inattention to setting up some "me" time, where I can feel free to self-reflect, whether that be through blogging, reading, petting my room mate's cat, etc. As the fall semester draws to an end, and exam dates/graduate application deadlines approach, I feel as if I'm sort of a deer caught in the headlights. Like other students, I feel a huge weight on my shoulders, but when faced with the choice of just working nonstop or pacing myself, I have a tendency to choose the nonstop option.
Up to this point in my undergraduate career, this has worked out pretty well. However, now that I'm in my senior year, things are not going as smoothly as they had in the past. Usually in the last two weeks of school I would just keep my eye on the prize, isolate myself from all distraction, and just motor through everything until I finished. This year, though, I found I began to start this "self-cutting-off" around Halloween, hoping that if I started disciplining myself earlier, my productivity would increase.
Not so. I have found myself feeling like I'm just going through the motions of attending class/reading/handing in assignments, rather than really enjoying myself. I suspect the culprit for this ennui is not just a bad case of senioritis, but rather an inability to just take those moments to exhale. In other words, I've let my focus shift away from what my wants and needs are, and instead have focused on what I'm "supposed" to be getting accomplished. Physically, this has had some ramifications, as I've had some not-so-nice health issues this semester most likely resulting from not taking care of myself. Additionally, I've found that I've let my work consume me, and that even when I am supposed to be enjoying dinner with friends/at a movie with my boyfriend, I'm still worried about a deadline or an assignment.
Thanksgiving break has been sort of a blessing in terms of my attempt to strike a balance between work and life. Due to canceled travel plans, I arrived at my home unexpectedly early with only my computer, and a small bag of underwear and toiletries. If I had things my way, I probably would have packed a sack of books, a few notebooks, and my laundry; however I had no choice but to work with what I had. As if I didn't already feel limited by arriving home with only a few of my belongings, I plugged in my laptop only to discover the internet had broken. Great - not only did I not have the books I needed, but I essentially had no connection to any of my work materials. After frantically calling the internet service, I began my two-day wait for the new modem to arrive. I thought those two days would be torturous, and at first, they were.
However, as time passed, I began to take comfort in the fact that I didn't have to be doing work at that very second. Instead of staring at my computer screen, I went out for ice cream with my mother, did some vegging on the couch, and -of course- played with my cat Manolo. When the new modem arrived and was installed, I felt a new sense of ease about the work I needed to get done. Every morning, with a hot cup of coffee, I would sit for an hour or two and get done what I needed to - but the catch was I allowed myself to be free from my computer for the rest of the day to just hang. For the first time in a while, I felt comfortable with the work/life balance I had achieved while home.
I'm struggling to keep that balance, now that I'm back in my messy Burlington apartment with 100 chores to do and exams around the corner. I'm working on it though, and that I can feel good about.
